The Turker’s Gospel

The Bible According To Mechanical Turk Workers

Mark 16:1-10

16:1 - Once the Sabbath time was complete, Mary Magdalene and Mary, who was the mother of James and Salome, took moisturizers and perfumes to put on the body.

16:2 - At sunrise, on the first day of the week, they went to the tomb.

16:3 - And they were asking this question among themselves, Who is going to roll away the stone at the door of the tomb?

16:4 - When they came to the spot they saw that the stone had been removed even though it was a very large stone.

16:5 - Walking into the tomb, they saw a guy sitting on the right, dressed in a long white cloth; they were terrified.

16:6 - And he said to them, Don’t be afraid: You are seeking Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified: he has risen; he is not here:go ahead and look where he was laying.

16:7 - Go on your way, tell Peter and the disciples that he has gone ahead of you to Galilee, and you will see him there as he predicted.

16:8 - Because they were frightened and confused they ran out of the cave and did not say anything to anyone.

16:9 - When Jesus was resurrected early the first day of the week, he first visited Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had exorcised seven devils

16:10 - They were sad and in tears when she said that she had spent time with him.

Mark 16:11-20

16:11 - And when they heard that he was alive and that she had seen him, they didn’t believe it.

16:12 - He then appeared to two of them, disguised in another form, as they walked into the country.

16:13 - None of those remaining believed them when they told it to those that stayed behind.

16:14 - Afterward, he appeared to the eleven of them as they were eating meat and made them believe it because they hadn’t believed it earlier when they saw that he was risen.

16:15 - Then he told them to go to the masses and teach the gospel to everyone

16:16 - Those who believe and are cleansed will be protected; those who don’t are screwed.

16:17 - Those that believe will show these signs: they will cast out devils in my name; they will speak languages that they never learned;

16:18 - They shall pick up snakes; and if they drink anything poisonous,it will not do them any harm; they shall touch the sick, and they will be healed.

16:19 - After the Lord spoke to them, he was taken to heaven and seated on the right hand of God.

16:20 - With the Lord by their side to confirm everything, they went around to all the lands to preach the gospel.